when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Randomize
