When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
