I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Dick very happy bro
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
