Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
