4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
