I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
