I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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