you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
