I just pynch a tree in the face
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
