No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
