I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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