I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
