So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
