haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
