You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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