at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize
