how can u be prego again
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
you traded sex for a burrito?
zippers are such a cool invention
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
