So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
