Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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