How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
