there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
