I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
