she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
