if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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