I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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