i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
