Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
