Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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