In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
