his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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