how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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