dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
