we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
