Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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