I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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