what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
im six kinds of drunk right now
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
