I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Couch. On fire.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
