I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
