Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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