Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
