My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
Terrible idea I love it
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
