I'm drive I can fine osifer
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
