I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
