with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
