Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize