I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
