I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
