I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
