I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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