Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize