That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize