Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Randomize
