ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
