just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
