I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Randomize
