If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
