Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
