Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
