I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
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