I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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