Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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