part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
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