hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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