I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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