either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
