I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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