Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Randomize