You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
